A friend in need

My friend has been cutting herself for around 2 years now... and has had a truly screwed life.. i have been trying to help her for around 3 months now. but not that much is working right now... and she has been having a lot of dreams and thoughts lately... This is our latest convo which we had just half an hour ago on aim (also im not putting her name anywhere in this at her request because some of you may know her and she doesnt want anyone at all figuring out... im the only one that knows this)
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icedragon 909 (7:53:28 PM): hello
"********" (7:53:32 PM): hey
icedragon 909 (7:53:34 PM): whats up
"********" (7:53:42 PM): eh not much hbu?
icedragon 909 (7:53:56 PM): ehh nothin just listen to some music...
"********" (7:54:04 PM): thats cool..i had another bad dream
icedragon 909 (7:54:14 PM): awww
"********" (7:54:23 PM): i just wish i knew what they meant
icedragon 909 (7:54:44 PM): what was it about?
"********" (7:56:09 PM): ok well i was sleeping and i woke up and my sister was like pulling my hair and like poking me and stuff and i started to scream for help but nothing came out and than she eventually stopped and than i was able to scream and i heard my mom coming but she didnt help me and than i got up and i was but ass naked and i couldnt find any clothes so i went to get a blanket but they dissapeared and than i woke up.....
icedragon 909 (7:56:40 PM): hmmm
icedragon 909 (7:56:45 PM): interesting..
"********" (7:56:49 PM): yeahh
icedragon 909 (7:57:07 PM): do u mind if i say my opinion on what it means
"********" (7:57:11 PM): sure go for it
icedragon 909 (7:57:37 PM): first... you and your sister are close right
"********" (7:57:41 PM): yeah
icedragon 909 (7:58:22 PM): well from what i think is that now that she is getting married you are worried that you two wont have as much time together... and that you feel she is the only thing you have and without it you are in a way naked
"********" (7:58:45 PM): ohh
"********" (7:58:52 PM): thats an interesting way to look at it
icedragon 909 (7:59:01 PM): i may be wrong
"********" (7:59:11 PM): hm i dunno
icedragon 909 (7:59:34 PM): was there anyone around when u were... lacking clothing
"********" (7:59:41 PM): no just me
"********" (7:59:47 PM): haha
icedragon 909 (7:59:48 PM): so they just vanished
"********" (7:59:57 PM): yeah basically
icedragon 909 (8:00:06 PM): hmmm were where u durring that time
"********" (8:00:23 PM): well i was in my room and maybe they were just downstairs but i was alone
"********" (8:00:38 PM): but i still wanted to cover up and i got all nervous and stuff and than i woke up
icedragon 909 (8:00:46 PM): hmmm
icedragon 909 (8:01:16 PM): well it doesnt matter where they were... but if u were hidding from nothing i think there is someway you see yourself that u are not happy with and would not want to be remided of
"********" (8:01:37 PM): hmm
icedragon 909 (8:03:04 PM): also another question which is a bit odd.. in your dream if u can remember were u viewing yourself through a 3rd person form or were you looking threw your own eyes
"********" (8:04:06 PM): well when i was like trying to yell and stuff i was like looking threw my own eyes but when i got out of bed ,,um naked haha i was looking at myself from third person
icedragon 909 (8:04:24 PM): hmmm
"********" (8:04:48 PM): eh i just dont know anymore,,
icedragon 909 (8:04:59 PM): is there anything that is bothering you right now?
"********" (8:06:17 PM): idk i mean im content pretty much i havent had any specific problems but i still feel like theres something there that needs to be fixed and i dont know what it is...im just confused but at the same time i dont want to know whats bugging me cuz i dont want to have to deal with it..do you get what im saying?
icedragon 909 (8:08:12 PM): i think
icedragon 909 (8:08:21 PM): i see something in that but cant put it into words
"********" (8:08:28 PM): mmkkkk
icedragon 909 (8:09:17 PM): the reason u cant figure out what is missing is because you dont want to... but its slowly comming back onto you and becoming harder and harder to ignore since u want to be the way u are now?
"********" (8:10:06 PM): yeah sort of im just so sick of all the problems ive had this year and im finally feeling happier but i know something is still there and i just dont want to deal with it
icedragon 909 (8:10:48 PM): now would u want to feel better then u do now even if its just slightly better?
"********" (8:11:35 PM): of course but im afraid...if i know whats bugging me and i cant fix it that ill get so dissapointed and go to rock bottom again
icedragon 909 (8:12:26 PM): do u have trouble excepting something that u just cant do?
"********" (8:12:51 PM): psch i cant do anything
icedragon 909 (8:13:23 PM): im not asking that... im asking does it hurt you when you are faced with something u cant do
"********" (8:14:26 PM): ehh hold on
icedragon 909 (8:14:31 PM): ok
"********" (8:17:43 PM): ok im back but
"********" (8:17:56 PM): it doesnt really hurt me that i cant do things
"********" (8:18:09 PM): im kind of used to it
icedragon 909 (8:18:24 PM): hmmm
icedragon 909 (8:19:04 PM): are u afraid of figureing out what it is thats bothering you... or are you afraid that you wont be able to
"********" (8:19:18 PM): im afraid of figuring it out
icedragon 909 (8:19:37 PM): ok
"********" (8:19:45 PM): is this even going anywhere?
icedragon 909 (8:19:59 PM): eventually
"********" (8:20:03 PM): alrighty
icedragon 909 (8:21:02 PM): just trying to piece some things together to try helpin
"********" (8:21:15 PM): alright well good luck
icedragon 909 (8:22:28 PM): hmm
icedragon 909 (8:23:15 PM): tell me more about you and your sisters relationship together
"********" (8:23:35 PM): well whats there to tell?
icedragon 909 (8:23:53 PM): anything im trying to see how close u 2 were
"********" (8:25:03 PM): i mean i dont really tell her everything that goes on in my life but i always miss her when shes at college cuz i look up to her because in way she went through some of what im going through for example she wasnt the prettiest or most popular girl in school but she got through it and look at her now..shes engaged
icedragon 909 (8:25:59 PM): so you kind of relie on her for comfort?
"********" (8:26:07 PM): yeah but she doesnt know it
icedragon 909 (8:26:16 PM): hmm
icedragon 909 (8:26:46 PM): is there anyone else u think sortof the same way about her as them?
"********" (8:27:06 PM): huh?
icedragon 909 (8:27:40 PM): is there anyone else u look to for comfort?
"********" (8:28:17 PM): idk not really i mean i kind of look for comfort when i come talk to you cuz your just a good person to talk to but other than that..not really
icedragon 909 (8:29:06 PM): 0.o ok then... so your sister doesnt know u cut yourself right?
"********" (8:29:15 PM): nopee
"********" (8:29:22 PM): shed cut my neck off
icedragon 909 (8:29:30 PM): hmm
icedragon 909 (8:29:35 PM): why do u think she would do that
"********" (8:29:59 PM): cuz im her sister?
icedragon 909 (8:30:27 PM): so she would kill u because u hurt yourself? not try to comfort you
"********" (8:32:41 PM): well i dont know its kind of like she would get pissed off at me that i would do that to myself
"********" (8:32:50 PM): and go tell my parents
"********" (8:32:55 PM): even if i told her not to
icedragon 909 (8:33:00 PM): hmmm
icedragon 909 (8:33:30 PM): so right now... if she had something that made her think that u cut yourself but didnt know for sure and she asked u if you did... what would u tell her
"********" (8:34:10 PM): um i would prob try to deny it but than she rip off my shirt and see the scars
"********" (8:34:34 PM): i mean they are hardly noticeable anymore but if your looking for them...
icedragon 909 (8:34:42 PM): hmmm
icedragon 909 (8:34:50 PM): well once i get the visual out of my head i can think lols
"********" (8:34:58 PM): huh?
icedragon 909 (8:35:00 PM): nvm
icedragon 909 (8:35:16 PM): so your main fear of her figuring out is that she will tell your parents?
"********" (8:36:16 PM): well that and i just dont want people to over react because i know they wont listen to me why i did it thats why im scared to tell haley...cuz she will just freak out and wont listen and understand why i did it in the first place
icedragon 909 (8:36:48 PM): now when u told me... did u think i was going to freak out on you
"********" (8:37:02 PM): no..thats why i told you
icedragon 909 (8:37:11 PM): why didnt u think i was going to
"********" (8:37:42 PM): because you just made me feel like you wanted to help not run off and tell the world that im psycho and need help
icedragon 909 (8:38:03 PM): hmmm
icedragon 909 (8:38:25 PM): and your sister hasnt made u feel like she would help u no matter what
"********" (8:39:03 PM): well she'd think shes helping by going and telling my parents i mean i know she'd want to help but she wouldnt do it in the right way
icedragon 909 (8:39:22 PM): what is the right way in your mind then?
"********" (8:39:31 PM): i dont know
"********" (8:39:47 PM): i just dont want my parents to know...thats the bottom line
icedragon 909 (8:40:22 PM): first... you know everything im doing is to help you right
"********" (8:40:29 PM): yeah..
icedragon 909 (8:40:47 PM): well im going to have to tell someone... to help you threw it
"********" (8:40:52 PM): no please
"********" (8:40:56 PM): who would you tell
icedragon 909 (8:41:23 PM): some one that knows you and cares about you and will try to help you no matter what
"********" (8:41:29 PM): who?!
"********" (8:41:31 PM): travis
"********" (8:41:34 PM): please no dont
icedragon 909 (8:41:47 PM): really i think if your parents know they will help u with this
"********" (8:41:57 PM): TRAVIS I SWEAR TO GOD
icedragon 909 (8:42:17 PM): im sry i know that was mean of me to say... im not going to... i just needed to see your reaction...
icedragon 909 (8:42:19 PM): i never would
icedragon 909 (8:42:30 PM): that was the only way to see your real reaction
"********" (8:42:42 PM): travis im not even kidding i swear ill never tell you anything again in my life
icedragon 909 (8:43:10 PM): im not telling anyone *******...
icedragon 909 (8:43:57 PM): im really sry that i had to say that... but if i just asked u what your reaction would have been u would have either over exadurated or underexadurated...
icedragon 909 (8:44:16 PM): i needed to see your real reaction...
"********" (8:44:26 PM): why
icedragon 909 (8:44:38 PM): i made a promise to you i would not tell anyone about this... and i do not ever plan on breaking it
icedragon 909 (8:45:39 PM): because im trying to piece stuff togetther
"********" (8:46:05 PM): well good luck with that but i have to go ill ttyl byee
icedragon 909 (8:46:54 PM): ok... also even if u hated me for ever and never talked to me again... i still wouldnt tell anyone that u cut yourself... and i am sorry i had to be like that to get your reaction im sry if i hurt you
icedragon 909 (8:47:01 PM): bye
"********" (8:47:07 PM): cia
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she just needs alot of prayer right now to help her get through this...
thank you

Travis, you have to tell someone about this. Tell your mom. And this girl's parents need to know. Will be praying, but you have to tell. You just have to...you shouldn't keep this a secret - especially from her parents. Its just about the best way you could help her. And she really needs help.

How would u feel if you know that she's doing this and what if she hurts herself badly? What would you do then? I mean you know about this - you have to tell - you have to do something.

As her friend - you have to say something.

I agree. I know its gonna be hard to, but you have to. She might hate you at first (Not trying to scare you out of doing it) but soon she will be thanking you.

I have someone I need you guys to be praying for; I'm not gonna give names or details, but he really needs prayer. Hes in a bad family situation, and child services can't do anything to make it better yet. Parents are split and remarried, he feels really rejected, and you can always tell when its been a rough day for him with this. I'm not going to say anymore, just ask you guys to pray.

actually... im not going to break my promise to her... sure it would help her but i couldnt push myself to do it...

Travis - seriously you have to say something...this isn't something harmless - She could really get hurt! Do you want to be somewhat responsible if something really bad happens to her!? Like not trying to scare you, but what if she's like suicidal? Just for her sake - you have to say something...tell ur mom...her parents. YOu can't let this go on. I know that you are in a really tight position right now. And we're all praying for you, but you just have to tell...Its the best way you can help her.

i know... i cant though... i promised her i wouldnt...

I know you promised her that you wouldn't...but Travis this is important! You NEED to say something... its her life that is in the balance here.

but shes not guna realise that if i tell them its to help her... she will just think im like everyone else that just gets to know stuff about her she doesnt want other people to know and tell everyone... thats the only thing she is going to think...

She'll figure it out later though. Travis - you have to tell...seriously. She might not understand why now, but she will later see that telling only would help her. Its for her own good. HER life is in the balance... remember that.

Just go to her parents. Its going to take alot of courage...she could really hurt herself here.......have you ever talked to her directly about needing to stop? Maybe if she hears it from you....

Guys stop pushing him to tell. he made a promise. all we can do and him is pray for her. Travis have you ever payed with her about this.? maybe if you start to pay with her and teach her about God. she might come to a better place with herself and stop. try to convince her to come to youth. or turn her on to some good christian music like P.O.D, Skillet, or something like that. she might get the message then. Do small things to make her feel like theres someone who loves her no matter what she does. and shes not popular theres alot of people that arnt. but they end up being the better person. Just help her in little things.

look at the Cassie Bernal story......

Its not right though for you guys to push Travis to do something he doesnt want to do. Promises are ment to be kept NOT broken.

Don't you remember in kindergarden when they taught us that some promises aren't always the best? Like when someone is hurting themselves? I faced this problem before. A person I knew was at the start of an eating disorder and made me promise not to say anything. It got worse so I had to tell someone to help her. Yeah, she was mad at me, but in the end it helped her. She could have really hurt herself and if she did I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I'm glad I told. I know I did the right thing. That kindergarden rule applies to all of life. "Everything I need to know I learned in kindergarden" remember?

ok... hmm lets see 6 posts... ok 1 by one

"She'll figure it out later though. Travis - you have to tell...seriously. She might not understand why now, but she will later see that telling only would help her. Its for her own good. HER life is in the balance... remember that."
ya i know she would figure out later... but where she is at right now is the point where i dont know what she could do to herself before her parents get her help...

"Just go to her parents. Its going to take alot of courage...she could really hurt herself here.......have you ever talked to her directly about needing to stop? Maybe if she hears it from you...."
yes i have talkted directly to her... infact i do talk directly to her alot

"Guys stop pushing him to tell. he made a promise. all we can do and him is pray for her. Travis have you ever payed with her about this.? maybe if you start to pay with her and teach her about God. she might come to a better place with herself and stop. try to convince her to come to youth. or turn her on to some good christian music like P.O.D, Skillet, or something like that. she might get the message then. Do small things to make her feel like theres someone who loves her no matter what she does. and shes not popular theres alot of people that arnt. but they end up being the better person. Just help her in little things."
ive been trying really hard to get her to come... and also i have turned her on to skillet already...

"Its not right though for you guys to push Travis to do something he doesnt want to do. Promises are ment to be kept NOT broken."
see i sorta agree with that

"Don't you remember in kindergarden when they taught us that some promises aren't always the best? Like when someone is hurting themselves? I faced this problem before. A person I knew was at the start of an eating disorder and made me promise not to say anything. It got worse so I had to tell someone to help her. Yeah, she was mad at me, but in the end it helped her. She could have really hurt herself and if she did I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I'm glad I told. I know I did the right thing. That kindergarden rule applies to all of life. "Everything I need to know I learned in kindergarden remember?"
Erica i may know who you mean about that... i think she told me that b4... but thats besides point... but right now i think it may be best if i just try to help her myself for right now... if i feel i really have to tell someone i will....
---------------------------------------------------

ouch....I still think that you should tell....

im only going to if there is nothing i can do

Ultimately Trav, its your decision.

Okay...just listen here...Travis, I think that you should tell...this girl is hurting herself and she needs help. Her parents need to know about this. You say you don't want to break your promise to her that you won't tell anyone about it - well didn't you already do that by telling like the whole youth group? Seriously. The best way you can help her is to tell. What would it be if she really hurt herself bad and you didn't say anything? Travis - its HER life here...do you really want to risk that just to keep a promise?

Okay I've had my say here...and I'm praying.

gp... but i will only tell them if there is nothing more i can do...

Just answer me this..do you remember at hca when they taught us about the good secret bad secret thing? About when its better for the secret giver if the secret is told...not to the whole world, but to someone who can help?

no i dont remember that... but i prolly will tell someone... but only if i need to... if there is nothing else i can do im going to... also a few hours ago i apologised about flipping out on her b4 and explained to her how i say stuff i dont mean when im mad...

please keep her in your prayers

yeah...will do.

thank you

I will too. And good job about apologizing to her. Just that could help her get through this. And maybe you should ask God to help you control what you say better...bad language is a really easy way to loose your witness...and thats something you will need to help her through this.


and P.S. if you didn't remember about the secret thing I said, I hope you know now...think about it